Saving money 存錢
Husband: Before I married you, I never thought of saving money.
Wife: And now?
Husband: Now I'm thinking About how much I could have saved if I hadn't married you.
Who want to go to heaven 誰想去天堂
The preacher was vexed（生氣的） because a certain member of his congregation（集合，聚會） always fell asleep during the sermon.
As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven, please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."
Awaking with a start , the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit（講道壇）, "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."
In a year 一年後
Palmist: The life line in your hand tells that you will die in a year.
Customer: Good gracious! In a year?
Palmist: Yes, but I can't say in which.
A husband and wife, both 91, stood before a judge, asking for a divorce. "I don't understand," He said, "Why do you want a divorce at this time of life?"
The husband explained, "Well, you see, we wanted to wait until the children died."
Why is he howling 他為什麼要叫
Dentist: Please stop howling. I haven't even touched your tooth yet.
Patient: I know. But you are standing on my foot!
Dad seeking praise 老爸求讚美
5-year-old daughter, wanting her father to help her do something.
Father: "I'm so tired, if you praise me, I'll Be fresh."
Daughter: "Lao Zheng!"
Daughter: "Your chick looks really nice ah ......"
Traffic lights are so pretty 交通號誌真美
In the side of the bank, there is a crossroads, is the only way that I go home every day.
One evening, I drove the car home with the three-year-old daughter, came to the embankment（路堤） , from afar, I saw a few traffic lights are out, the crossroads were in bad ...
Each traffic light red, yellow, green light, all the bright backdrop in a sunset, is truly beautiful. I quickly called my daughter to enjoy this rare beauty: "Honey, see, is it not very pretty in front of all the traffic lights lamp light?"
Daughter look and said: "Wow! Is nice! Who are they repaired them?"
It's Always Me 總是我
A father said to his sons: "Tomorrow your mother is going to bake a pie. Who is going to eat it?"
The oldest son replied: "Father, I'll eat it all!"
The father then said: "Tomorrow I'm going to butcher a pig. Who is going to eat it?"
The same son answered: "Father, I'll eat it all!"
The father added: "Tomorrow, we are going to plough the field. Who is going to plough?"
The oldest son answered again: "It's always me, always me. Now it's someone else's turn to volunteer!"